Ask Zuko!
by Haru Takami
Summary: Everyone's favrourite firebender is back to answer your mail! but you gotta send it in for us to update!
1. Episode 1

Please give me some credit, this is the first time i've done something like this, and the first time i've updated here on FFN. I've never done anything avatar related outside and RP, and the only other story was an ill written pokemon story about me and my friends trip around hoenn. and as we all know, nobody gives a flying hog-monkey about hoenn anymore.

* * *

**Welcome to Ask Zuko!**

cheezy talk-show gingle is heard

(zuko and your's truely are sitting in 2 large bean-bags, in a dojo-ish setting with candles on randomly placed and randomly heightened candle holders, a large fire nation symbol on the ground)

Zuko: Yes, yes I, Prince Zuko, of the mighty Fire Nation, am answering your questions on national television

Haru: well, actually this is on the net, but still, you get the idea.

Zuko: who the heck are you? that earth kingdom pesant?

haru: NO! (fire erupts from the candles littered around the room) I'M from the fire nation thank you very much, and I take great pride in that. then again, I wouldn't exactly call him 'pesant' even if that is his economic status. YOU were a pesant while you were on the run from your sister, were you not?

zuko: ...I dont want to talk about it...

Haru: ok then, on with the letters!

(muttering is heard off stage)

Haru: what do you mean there arent any letters?

(more muttering)

Haru: oh...right...first episode...

zuko: whats that got to do with it?

Haru: well, since its the first episode, we dont have any viewers yet, which means nobody has sent in any letters asking you things, meaning if we dont get someone to send us a letter soon were going to lose this gig and get booted off the air.

Zuko: I see...well, I did get this letter just before we started. (he pulls a letter out of his earth kingdom tunic) here, let me read it. (he opens it)

_**Dear Zuko,**_

_**CAN I BEAR YOUR CHILDEREN???? ALL 17 OF THEM???**_

_**you'r wife to be,**_

_**Kristen**_

haru: oh god...sister mail (facepalms, resulting in a red mark on my forhead in the shape of a hand)

_**zuko: Dear Kristen,**_

_**Err, I don't know how to tell you this, but...NO! That is a stupid question! of cource not! and besides, why 17?!?! when I marry, I will only ask my wife to bear 1 child for me, regardless of the gender. this way they dont have to end up having a psychotic younger sibling like I do. it runs in our genes.**_

_**sincerely,**_

_**Prince Zuko**_.

haru: well, that was embarrasing...to say the least...

Zuko: no kidding. I actually get letters like that year round from women...and men (shudders)

(muttering is heard, a small stack of letters is dropped off by a stagehand, who waves to the camera before beign shoved away by zuko)

zuko: finnally, more mail! (opens the first, takes a look, and tosses it aside)

Haru: hmm? whats wrong?

zuko: more like your sisters, only thing differnt is the name and the number of kids...

haru: I see...(sighs) it seems that the only thing your good for in this world to them is their own personal sperm bank.

zuko: watch it, or i'll roast your other eyebrow off (glares)

haru: whoa there buddy! I'd like to keep this one, ok? (puts up hand, my other covering the left side of my face, the right covered by my bangs)

zuko: anyways, next letter.

Dear Zuko,

what is your favourite type of candy?

sincerely,

anonymous

haru: well...that was rather...anticlimactic...and come on, atleast give your NAME next time! even if its fake! we want to reply to SOMEONE.

**zuko: Dear Anonymous,**

**I truely enjoy Flaming Fire Flakes, they're a fire nation food and are extremely spicey. Its about the eqivalent of sticking a raw jalepeno pepper into your mouth and letting it sit there on your tounge. untill you swallow that is, it can actually help fire benders learn to breathe fire, and is how I learned to do so myself.**

**Sincerely, **

**Prince Zuko.**

haru: eh, I liked that one earth kingdom town's deep fried festival foods, mmm...

zuko: i've never had that before, i'll have to try some some time soon.

haru: next letter man, gotta keep on track now...

Zuko: right, right, ok. (opens it, tosses it over shoulder, doing so with the next four letters before standing and burning the pile behind him with a blast of fire, the eyebrow on the unscarred side of his face twitching) thats it, any more letters asking if you'll bear my child will NOT BE AIRED OR EVEN CONSIDERED TO DO SO!!!!!

haru: whoa...harsh...but understandable.

zuko: (takes a deep breath, fist clenched around the remaining letter) last one...(another deep breath)

haru: here, have some tea, your uncle made it, 'supposed to soothe your nerves (holds out the small cup)

zuko: thanks haru...(sighs, taking it with bolth hands- having sat down the letter -and taking a sip before setting it down and picking up the letter again, opening it) hmm? its a post card?

**Greetings from Ba-Sing-Se!**

**Dear Prince whats-your-face,**

**We're having a wonderul time here in Ba-Sing-Se, and and wish you were here. Sort of. We've been 'undercover' as to not be noticed by the locals or the dai-lee, and have gotten to 'see' many exiting sites, such as a giant serpent at- the ironicly named -serpent's pass that chased us across, an angry mob that chased us over a measly platapus-bear omlette, and by the dai-lee who chased us for getting into a drunk fight with an entire tea shop in the upper ring, the Jasmine Dragon I think. we hope you're having as much fun as we are wherever you are, and hope you'll come to see us in prison soon.**

**sincerely, **

**your crew.**

haru: well that was...strange...

zuko: i swear...ah well.

_Dear Crew, _

_Fortunately, I can say i'm having that much luck right now. If your watching this then it means i'm actually having BETTER luck because I'm not in JAIL hah! serves you right for abandoning me like you did! Good luck in jail and remember one thing: dont drop the soap._

_unsincerely,_

_Prince ZUKO._

haru: harsh...considering everyone thought you were dead when they joined zhao or whatever his name was. and it was under your uncle's command so that you could sneak into his fleet and try to capture the avatar.

zuko: whatever, I dont care. well, thats all we've got for today, so untill next time, goodbye (takes another sip of tea and sighs)

ok, now tell me what you honestly think, only HONEST CRITS. also, we REALLY need more letters! so send em in people!


	2. Episode 2

and here we go, another episode of ask zuko!

(today's episode is featured in zuko's room at the palace in honor of him returning home, all the trimmings and such just as they would be, other than the two bean bag chairs from before holding zuko and the co-host on them in the middle of the room, Zuko with his ponytail returned and haru same save for the bandage around his right wrist)

zuko: wow, I never realised how comfortable bean bag chairs were untill now...

haru: no kidding! hmm...I wonder if we've got any mail...

(an new assistant walks into the room, dropping a small bag of letters on the ground, and bowing respectfully before waving to the camera and running off-screen)

zuko: I swear...its like they've never been on screen before...

haru:: eh, whatever, their loss, now, on with the letters!

_Dear Zuko  
Are you aware that people know that know how you got your scar, and that you  
lost your mother? Here is another thing that you should know. There is a  
(crazy)person who says that you had twins with Katara and named them Oku and  
Deseray.  
Sincerely  
Jordana Kari.  
Ps I do NOT want to bear your children._

zuko: well, atleast its not hate mail...

_**Dear Kari,**_

_**Yes I am very well aware that others know how I got my scar, uncle told my entire crew back on the ship apparently, not to mention that episode has only been aired about 10,000 times since it happened. And this crazy person is just that, Crazy. with a capital C. I would never even consider being in the same room as that water tribe pesant, let alone having childeren with her. Especially after what happened in the crystal caverns at the end of season 2...**_

_**Honorably,**_

_**Prince Zuko**_

_**PS thank you for respecting my whishes**_

haru: wow, so I guess that means you actually have feelings for her? even if they are regret...

zuko: again, do you wish to lose your OTHER eyebrow? or maybe that rediculous ribbon you wear around your neck?

haru: nuuu!!!! i want to keep it! and if you touch my ribbon i'll rip that ponytail right off your head with my bare hands (has hands over the red ribbon around his neck, glaring evilly)

zuko: b-b-b-but I just grew it back out! (he holds his ponytail defencively) next letter!

Dear Zuko,  
Please let me be your Fire Lady!  
Love from your sweet princess,  
Katara

zuko: dear gods...

_Dear katara,_

_If this really is you, watch book 3, episode 1 and you will plainly see me kissing mai, in other words, I AM TAKEN. also, I really doubt this is you because you'd be chewing my ear off for the incident in the crystal caves at the end of season 2._

_sincerely,_

_PRINCE Zuko of the FIRE NATION._

haru: that was seriously akward...

zuko: no kidding...ugh, what next? I get a message from my sister saying she's not an unbeleivable pissant?

haru: lets find out...

Dear Zuko,

The Avatar just flew past my window! Anyways, to more important things, which  
do you like better, getting crazy letters from the fangirls for this, or when  
you were a poor refugee working at a teashop in Ba-Sing-Se?

_Dear Kai,_

_The AVATAR??? but he's DEAD! or..atleast I hope he is, especially after what azula did to get my honor back...oh, I knew I should have roasted him just to be safe! Anyways..It's very close, getting insane letters from even more insane girls is rather fun, and while i was in a good mood over at ba-sing-se the tea shop was very relaxing...They're about equal, so, yeah, they're equal._

_Sincerely, _

_Prince Zuko._

haru: well, therse one more letter, and thats it...wow..not much of a better haul than last episode...our showbiz days are over, I knowint...(he begins to cry silently)

zuko: yours maybe, but I'm still on a show unless you'd forgotten.

haru: I hate you...

**Dear Zuko,**

**Who is that haru kid who's on the show with you and how did you meet? I mean, he acts like a complete girl if you ask me. You should just ditch him and take the show for yourself! eliminate the co-host!!**

**an evil fan,**

**koguro.**

haru: the fook? (he blinks, arching his brow)

Dear Koguro,

Well, atleast his name isnt as strange sounding and funny as yours! yes, I actually laugh at your name! hahahaha! Anyways, Haru is my co-host, and an avatar enthusiastic. Yes, he can be a bit girlish at times, but that dosnt mean he isnt a good fighter, atleast, when he hasnt hurt his wrists. (he actually has very soft hands) We met on my return to the fire nation, he was origionally a member of the servants but I realised his fighting ability and decided to take him on as an apprentice of sorts. He is important to this show as he keeps me in line and stops my maiming of the crew(whis is the reason he has a bandage on his wrist now) and destruction of sets and locations. without him this show would litterally go up in smoke.

sincerely,

Prince Zuko.

PS if you really are evil i'd suggest sending letters to my sister's talk show thing. not mine.

haru: hey! my hands aren't soft! I just dont like to work much! also, I wasnt a servent, I was a kid practicing my firebending in the street by means of protecting a little kid and his mom from a mugger on his way into the fire nation capital.

zuko: yeah yeah, whatever servant-boy. do we have any more letters?

haru: no we dont, i'm not a servant boy, and you really need to drink more tea...its very soothing..

zuko: I KNOW! I KNOW! geeze, who do you think you are, my anger management advisor???

haru: at times (he shrugs) till next time folks!


	3. Episode 3

Haru: ok, i'll get this off the bat first thing to avoid deletion...I DO NOT OWN AVATAR OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! i only own myself and the rest of the crew members from this show. oh, and I dont own any of the things from our human world that were invented by someone else.

Zuko: actually thats not true, Dezzy owns you. (he snickers)

Dezzy: yeah! what about me? dont make me get out the leash!

Gem: then theres me! I DID give you that ribbon!

Haru: ugh...lets just get on with the show...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

(the episode today takes blace in Haru's home, a small hut in the fire nation with a mat on the floor for a bed, a desk for drawing, and a coat hook on the wall with a flame-colored robe hanging from it, right next to a green earth kingdom tunic, Haru and Zuko sit in the middle of the room on their classic beanbag chairs, munching some other-worldly candy)

Zuko: mmm...what are these called again?

Haru: chewy gobstoppers, theyre really good, arent they?

Zuko: yeah...they actually are...oh! were on! (haru hides the gobstoppers in his sleeve and they bolth turn to look at the cameras) welcome to another episode of ask zuko! We're sorry for the delay, but it took us a while to find haru's home here in the slums.

Haru: (shoots zuko an annoyed glance) today we have a special guest! Ty-Lee!

Ty-Lee: HI PEOPLES!!! (she smiles cheerliy, walking onscreen and resting on her elbows, looking up at the cameras and sitting her feet on her head)

Zuko: you know, that really dose scare me...

Haru: you maybe, I think it's cool. ah...if only I didnt have a girlfriend..

Flashback

(haru is looking up at a taller figure as they watch a girl flipping around in the street, an older version of Ty -Lee if you will, the man leans down, revealing he looks like an older version of Haru)

man: Haru, if you ever meet a girl like that when your older, marry her

Haru: ok pa! (he smiles, not wondering why)

End Flashback

zuko: that was disturbing...

Ty-Lee: on with the letters!

Dear Zuko,  
How does it feel to be watched by millions of viewers every Friday night at  
8:30 PM ET?

Sincerely,  
Arby's

Dear Arby's

You have no idea how honored I am to be asked a question by an entire resturant staff, even if it dose serve fast food. IT feels the same as being watched in this show every day around the clock. All I have to do is do my best infront of the camera, try not to slip up, and after were done shooting I get to eat my weight in junk food. so its a pretty fair deal.

Sincerely,

Prince Zuko.

Haru: man...I wish I had that job

Zuko: everyone dose haru, everyone dose. ty-lee, would you mind reading the next letter?

Ty-Lee: you bet i wouldn't! (she smiles and opens the next letter, reading it aloud)

_Dear Zuko,  
Why does your dad sound like an older version of Luke Skywalker? and why are  
sisters so annoying!_

Sincerely,  
Hyuga

Dear Hyuga Clan

Again with the honors of being asked something by an entire group of people! I do not know why my father would sound like that, maybe he got ahold of some Star Wars reels when he was younger and tried imitating the voice of luke, then decided that that would be his voice for the rest of his life. and about my sister, yes, ONE sister. Ty-Lee and mai are NOT related to me, as you should be able to tell because Mai and I are DATING, azula is annoying because she is, theres no real reason for it other than she gets enjoyment out of the pure fact that I'm suffering.

Sincerely, Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation

Ty-Lee: wow! all these people! you must be really popular! (she smiles, wiggling her toes slightly)

Zuko: very, now wuld you sit up straight like a normal person...your starting to scare me...

Ty-Lee: fine, fine, geeze...party pooper...(she sits up straight, resting on the bedmat) why do you sleep on this thing haru? its really low...

Haru: a few reasons, 1, when i was little i rolled out of bed alot, and would get hurt if i fell from a high place, the soloution? a lower bed. 2, I seem to have a better connection to the earth, probably because my mother was an earth bender...

Zuko: INFIDEL!

HAru: but my father was a firebender. let me finish. it was the whole "he fell in love while at war" thing, acts against agni and such, i was born 9 months later, he returned from war after my mother died giving birth to me, i was raised like this and just reicently found out about my mother before my father died of an old war injury. now, reason 3: i just plain old like sleeping on a mat, bed frames are too big and bulky, and mats can just be rolled up to save space when I'm on one of my drawing sprees. happy with that explination?

zuko: I guess...

Ty-Lee: (she smiles at him) a know...your kinda cute! (she starts to move forwards)

Haru: ahem! what part of "i'm taken" dont you understand?!?!?! (falls over as ty-lee tackles me to the ground, pinned under her as she grins above me)

Zuko: while these two figure this out, I'll read my next letter.

**I have another Letter for Zuko.  
Dear Zuko,  
I have a suggestion involving getting your but out of the if the Avatar is  
alive situation. Just in case you decide you decide not to do the hire the  
eyeball tattoo on the forehead to kill the Avatar.  
You could tell our father the truth then say that you suspect that the avatar  
is alive. Then say Azula may have suspected the same thing and wanted to get  
you in trouble for her possible mistake.  
I recognize that Azula could have thought of this already and telling the  
truth in this situation, but its batter than Azula spilling the truth and you  
getting the hangman's noose.  
I do not expect you to do this though.  
Jordana Kari**

Dear Kari,

Good to hear from you again, i'm starting to love getting letters from the same person again, no lie! and i dont think thats such a good idea, you see, azula told my father that I killed the avatar, and he has always favourited her, she will defend herself, and father will believe her. thus, I'll get the noose anyways. it was an exelent selection, but my sister is far too cunning to be taken that lightly, no, i've gotta find a way to make what she said TRUE, then rub it in her face that the avatar actually did die...probably bring his dead corpse to father's feet or something...ahh well, all in good time.

sincerely,

Prince Zuko

(zuko looks back and sees a blanket over haru and ty-lee, the sounds of struggling and kissing able to be heard)

haru: come on...get off...would you stop kissing me?

Ty-Lee: come on...dont make me paralise you...that wouldnt be any fun!

Zuko: er...were still on the air you two...your supposed to be a co-host and a guest host, not a whimp and an over-enthusiastic tigerlion cub. got it?

Ty-Lee: aww...all right...(the blanket slides off, revealing her pinning haru down, his face covered in lipstick from failed attempst at his lips, his tunic ripped wide open for all to see)

Haru: Zuko, think you can get into the bin next to you and grab me a fresh tunic? shes ruined this one...

Zuko: sure, right after this last letter

_**Dear Zuko,**_

How's Ty Lee? Im just curious because so far she seemes to be the only one  
who hasnt been checked on so far. And hey what can i say, shes a nice gal, not  
a nut cake like...well pretty much your entire family. and i thinkl if someone  
goes good this season, its gonna be her. She WAS forced in to help azula after  
all.

P.S. Ask her to help you become more acrobatic, you'd be ammazed at how many  
Kattanges would stop droup and run for a prince who can put his feet on the  
back of his head. 

Dear whatever your name was because you didnt put one,

as you can see, Ty-Lee is doing fine, and seems to have a thing for my co-host. hopefully it will pass and we can all get on with our lives and this show. I agree with your suspicions that she will go good, as she's never had an evil cell in her body. she just did what she was told...and yes, my entire family other than my uncle is insaine. uncle is only a bit loony in his obsession with tea.

Sincerely,

Prince Zuko

P.S. although being able to flip around would help me in my firebending, i have no intrest in katara, as I have said multiple times.

Zuko (hands haru his tunic) well, thats all we've got for today, see ya everone!

(the last shot on screen is of an embarrased haru taking off his ripped tunic, giving you a full frontal view of his torso, with Ty-Lee right behind him, giggling like mad)


	4. authors note

_**AUTHORS NOTE!**_

Ok everyone, heres the jist of it! I'm gonna need more letters than ever for this next chapter! Ask Zuko's FIRST CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! So make the questions around the holiday (ie. what do you want for christmas, who are you going to celebrate with, and the like) I'm gonna be accepting letters up till the 24th! that way i can post by christmas day! alright everyone! get sending!


	5. christmas special!

ok, here we go! the ask zuko CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

disclaimer: awww...I was hoping to get the deed or contract that WOULD let me own avatar here on christmas day...but to no avail...ah well, I can still hope!

now on with the fic!

-------------------------------------

(todays episode takes place in the western air temple(this explains the wait, it takes a while for most of the cast to get to the temple from their respective locations) with...gasp! almost all the main characters held up in its many halls!)

Haru: hey everyone! Hello and welcome to the Ask Zuko Christmas Special!

Zuko: Yup! (wearing a santa hat) But unfortunately, this dosn't mean it will be extra long, Haru, mind to tell them why?

Haru: ah...yes, it seems that some of our many adoring fans were away from their internet this holiday season, we only got 4 christmas letters...and only about half were actually centered around christmas!

Zuko: although, if we wanted to be "politically correct" it should be called "Ask Zuko HOLIDAY Special"

Haru: but who wants to be politically correct? now, (stands on a table) sorry to interrupt the festivities, but we've got the letters to read for the show!

(croud dies down, sitting and listening)

Zuko: (mutters to haru) whoa...they havent been this quiet since the directors told us that sokka had cancer...

Haru: no kidding, ah well, on with the first letter!

Dear Zuzu (that NEVER gets old),

_How's life? Mine sucks. What do you plan to do for Christmas? Are you  
getting Azula anything? If so, I suggest a poisonous snake! Hehehe. Yep, I  
may be crazy, but I enjoy every minute of insanity. Get your father a book  
called "world domination for dummies", hehehehe. He seriously needs the book.  
I'm already half-way to world domination! WOOT! Also, I have friends that  
are obsessed with you, it's pretty creepy, and they're turning me into a Zuko  
fangirl, it's scary! Why am I not a Zuko fangirl? Hm... that's a good  
question. Hehehehe, also... MONKEYS WILL RULE THE WORLD!_

Merry Christmas,  
Nut

_P.S. Azula's cooler then you._

Zuko: well...(interrupted)

Azula: ahem! only _**I**_ can call him "zuzu!"

Katara: and me.

ty lee: zutara lives!!!

(akward silence)

zuko: er...yeah..well...aherm..yes..anyways, I'm actually doing pretty good. the producers have let me grow my hair out, which i'm thankful for. I mean, can you imagine shaving your head bald around the SOUTH POLE? tis not plesant. And what you see here is what we have planned for today. and actually, I have gotten azula something (holds up gift) and no, its not a poisonous snake. she may be a cold harted bi-(hand is slapped over mouth-)

Haru: (mutters) zuko...kids show...

zuko: right, right, sorry! (sweatdrops) anyways, she isnt like that here off set, although that book might help my dad get into the role a bit better...hmm..I wonder if I can find a copy somewhere...anyways, i'm..er...glad to hear you're so close to world domination...and glad i've still got fans out there after betraying aang and everything...

Aang: its ok zuko, it was in the script (shrugs)

Zuko: aherm, as I was saying, and the monkeys, thats just messed up right there...happy holidays Nut!

Haru: wow, I think thats the longest we've ever taken to answer a letter...anyways(intereupted by...guess who)

Azula: hey zuzu, throw me that gift! (big, fake smile)

Zuko: fine, fine (hands the gift off to someone, it being passed from person to person till azula gets it)

azula: yes! (rips into it, nearly facefaulting at whats inside) an...earth kingdom...doll...how nice of you brother (eye is twitching)

haru: (to camera) yeah...she is kinda nuts here off screen too though... (back to everyone) now! on with the next letter, after were done we all get to dig in to the presants!

_Dear Zuko  
do u no ur not geten enything from santa cause ur a bad boy? and u do know  
that u joined the avatar and r probably going 2 teach him fire bendig right?_

Zuko: well, as you can see, I clearly did get things from santa, because I have not been bad, I just followed the script, and yeah, I do know that i'm gong to be teaching aang firebending. wow, short letter, ah well, hapy holidays whoever you are!

Haru: another letter!

Dear Zuko

Is Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai ticklish? (My younger brother is a big fan of  
theirs and he is just curious).

How do you spend christmas with your family?

Azula: you tell them anything about me and someone will find YOU in a tiny box under the tree (glares)

Zuko: dont worry, I dont actually know if you are ticklish...mai however...(dagger flies past his nose) ok, ok, I get it...

Haru: well, I can tell you from experience, Ty Lee is very ticklish

Ty Lee: yup! and i'm glad to have a few fans out there, but i've only got one guy for me! (tackles haru to the ground, snuggling up to him)

Haru: (sighs) ah, the wonders of being single...sort of...

Ty Lee: (still snuggling up to haru, smiling warmly, starts singing) "all I want for christmas, is you..."

Haru: (actually blushes, hugging her back and shrugging) on with the next letter I guess!

dear zuko,

iroh or ozai or anyone ever dress up and act like santa for you and azula? or  
were you ever scared of santa like i was? 

love,  
4 4 4 4 

Zuko: well its funny we'd get one of those letters, eh Haru?

Haru: very, and from one of my favourite writers no less!

Zuko: because...guess what...azula, SANTA IS HERE!!

azula: (face turns even more white if possible, running for the nearest exit from the grand hall and running into a large man in a red suit, screaming)

santa/iroh: ho ho ho! merry christmas little girl, and many more to all! (holding a bag of presnats, with sevral more in tow)

(A/N: you've gotta remember, he's RIPPED now, that bowl of jelly he's got is a pillow! T.T I know, I miss that iroh too, now back with the show!)

Zuko: well, I hope we get more letters from everyone in the future!

Haru: and a very merry christmas to all!

Ty Lee: mm...how bout I give you one of your presants now big guy (grins, kissing Haru full on the lips)

Zuko: (had 'harmlessly' tacked the mistletoe above the place that 'happened' to be the place where haru would sit, whistling nonchantly) yup! and bye everyone!

Katara: (in the background) hmph...whats so great about him anyways? I mean...its not like he's got rippling abbs..oh wait...he dose...wel, he dosnt have a cool scar...no...he's got that...well, he must have SOMETHING i'm not looking for in a guy! (having emotional and mental battle, unseen by most of the party)

Mai: (smiles at zuko while waiting to get my presants) mm..I cant wait to open MY presants...

Haru: (turns to the camera, still being pinned down by Ty Lee, multiple lipstick kissmarks over my face) ja ne!

all: and a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-------------

well, I hope all of you liked our christmas special!

Zuko: we worked hard on it!

and apart from ty lee, i'm on the market again!

Ja Ne!


	6. Episode 4

Haru: Ok, again with the whole "I do not own avatar" speach, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah, there, i'm done with that, now on with the show!

Zuko: cheater.

Haru: just because i beat you at pai-sho is no reason to call me a cheater. now lets get rolling.

Zuko: fine, fine.

---------------------------------------

(Todays episode takes place in the northern air temples, Seeing as the Gaang is running from the fire nation...again. Haru and Zuko are sitting in their usual beanbag chares, if not slightly singed, along with a snack-bin, sitting in the background)

Haru: Welcome to another episode of Ask Zuko! Sorry for the delay, but I've been buzy lately.

Zuko: This is actually the truth. Haru's midterms at school have taken up a large ammount of time.

Haru: Tis true, I've not been keeping up with my other story either. I'll behoping to write a new chapter soon, but usually when I make plans something comes up to ruin them.

Zuko: Like that failed date with Ty-Lee?

Haru: How was I supposed to know she was allergic? Thats one of those private things you don't ask about!

Zuko: Whatever, anyways we've got more letters! So lets hope that this episode is a good one!

Dear Prince Zuko,

Are you aware that you've always had your honor? Just because your father  
says you don't have honor, doesn't mean it's true. You've always had honor.  
You will always be honorable in my eyes. No matter what. And I hope you're  
having fun back at your home!

Your #1 fangirl,

Annie.

P.S. I'm not like those other fangirls that want to have "you know what with  
you". And I'm not OBSESSED with you. You're just cute, and smexy. Okay, I  
think I've said enough.

Dear Annie,

I've actually just only come to realise this. It's taken me several years, so I must have been pretty stupid back then. Thanks for the vote of confidence, and it WAS fun while it lasted. But, unfortunatly, as you can see, I'll be living with Aang and his friends for a while. Possibly more if we can't defeat my father.

Sincerely,

Zuko

P.S. It's good to find an girl who isn't obsessed with me, but I do think you've said enough on the matter.

Haru: Wow, it never gets old hearing girls talking about "you know what" with you (laughs)

Zuko: I will burn your eyebrows off. Don't tempt me.

Haru: Zuko, Zuko, Zuko. Good guys don't threaten other good guys. It's in the handbook! anyways, how many more letters have we got?

Zuko: grr.. (mutters under breath) a few, now lets (interrupted)

Ty-Lee: Haru! I'm back!! (Ty-Lee runs onto the set, glomping Haru and sending them bolth to the ground.)

Haru: Hey! (Haru grins and chuckles) I thought you hated me for getting you sick?

Ty-Lee: I could never stay mad at you! (She giggles and huggles him)

Haru: er, Ty-lee...we're kinda filming right now...

Ty-Lee: oops! well...why dont I join the show?

Zuko: You're not serious, are you?

Ty-Lee: Yup! I'll read another letter! (she takes one and opens it, reading it aloud)

Dear Zuko,

Congratulations on the hook up. At least it shut up many of the Zutara fans.  
(However my inner Toko (you and Toph, the kick-ass blind, earth bender) fan  
and anti-romance fan is sharing a box of ice cream over the third season.)

How did you get the show? What, did you threaten the producers?

Also, I've noticed you have similar actions as a female character on a  
different show (Neon Genesis Evangelion's Asuka Langley Sohryu, she pilots a  
giant robot). Care to explain?

Give Ty Lee a hug for me,

Diclonius' Lilium

(PS: -gives Haru a cookie- That's for putting up with this show)

Zuko: oi...Fine, here goes.

Dear Lilium,

It actually didn't work out, seeing as i've had to leave the fire nation to travel with the avatar and such. Not to mention I believe she was using me to get alot of free stuff, but that's just a hunch. I gladly inform you though, that I have no interest in the little blind girl, and also point out she seems to have some kind of relationship going on with the water-tribe boy, no matter how much she denies it.

(Zuko is pegged in the forhead with a small pebble)

Zuko: It's true! anyways, If you're wondeirng how I got this show, it was actually all Haru's idea. He pulled a few strings and managed to get us some air time on here. If you're wondering about avatar, The creators really get all the credit, without them, i'd be nothing. Litterally!

And I'm sure Haru will gladly give Ty-Lee a hug for me.

Sincerely,

Zuko

Haru: yay! A cookie! (He breaks it in half, handing one half to Ty-Lee, munching the other half happily as she dose the same)

Ty-Lee: yay! Say, when do I get my own beanbag chair?

Zuko: when you've been here as long as we have.

Ty-Lee: no fair!

Haru: Here, you can sit on my lap (he smiles, pulling her onto his lap as she squeals, hugging him around the neck) hehehe!

Ty-Lee: awww! how sweet! thanks hun!

Haru: (he blushes, blinking and grinning sheepishly) er..thanks...I think it's my turn to read a letter, ne? (he takes one, opening it while Ty-Lee rests her head on his shoulder)

Dear Prince Zuko;  
Is it true that you got busted on a cactus juice related charge?  
Katara

Zuko: crap...I thought I told the producers not to let that out...er...I mean... (he looks at the shocked expressions on Haru's and Ty-Lee's faces)

Dear Katara,

No, I was not busted on a cactus juice related charge, but thank you for your concern on the matter.

Zuko.

Haru: well...that was...

Ty-Lee: a little weird...even for me...

Haru: no kidding...well...Ty Lee, next letter?

Ty Lee: er...sure... (she takes another from the small sack and starts to read it aloud)

Dear Zuko,

Have you ever (or still) had an imaginary friend? If yes, then what were they  
like? dDid you ever try and get them to fight azula? Or maybe try to date  
one?

cordually (i hope thats spelled right!)  
4 4 4 4

Dear 4 4 4 4,

Yes, Believe it or not, When I was five I had an imagionary friend named "Sgt. Fireburn." Yes, he sounds like a kid's superhero, mainly because I was a kid. I've also had "Princess Alu" when I was six, and yes, I did imagine we were dating for a short while. I haven't actually thought about those two for some years, and am seriously hoping that they don't come back. Mainly because fireburn was a pushy know-it-all with a strong devotion to the fire nation and my father, while Alu was a prissy and happy-go-lucky version of Mai.

Sincerely,

Zuko.

Haru: wow! You had imagionary friends? I wouldn't take you as one of those kind of kids...

Ty Lee: me either! (she giggles happily) It's good to know you had a normal childhood Zuko!

Zuko: I was a prince! Normal princes don't have imagionary friends! (he claps a hand over his face, sighing)

Haru: I believe it's my turn? (he takes one more letter and opens it, looking down and hcuckling before reading it aloud)

Dear Former Prince Lazy Bum (I just felt like writing that),  
I laugh SO much at your stupidity. I actually DO have an army of monkeys,  
it's cool. They destroy my enemies for me with their weapons... I can't tell  
because that's a secret. Also, you can find a copy of "World Domination for  
Dummies" at any bookstore. Is Azula also scared of the Easter Bunny? If  
so... I laugh at her. But then again... the easter bunny IS evil... I should  
get him on myside... OZAI WILL KILL YOU! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Um... blame girl  
stuff for that... Yes, I AM a girl and darn proud of it! I'm an evil,  
conniving bitch, so I think that Azula and I would get along just fine.   
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Umm... yeah... How's it like being a traitor to the Fire  
Nation, the superier nation!

Love,  
Nut

Zuko: her again? whoa...well, i'll have to send...oh..right..no more firenation armies...well...when I regain the throne Haru, remind me to send an army of fire nation soldiers to obliterate her monkeys.

Haru: alright. (he shrugs)

Dear Nut,

And I laugh at yours. Even if you do have an army of monkeys, an army of fire-spewing, spear-and-sword-weilding martial arts masters with giant komodo rhinos, grappling tanks, war balloons and catapult-armed ships would easily wipe out that small fleet of primates. I've also located the book for him, it was in azula's room and I found it before I confronted him. I've actually kept it and i'll be reading it every now and then between filmings so I can try to get the upper hand on my sister, as she's actually made notes in it to help her remember certain things.

Also. good luck on the easter rabbit-bear, as they constantly have to get a new one every year because they get caught, fried, and eaten. I'm also very well aware that you're a girl, as only a girl, or Haru, would be possible of such mood-swings as the ones you display. And I'm not a traitor to my nation, i'm preparing myself to save my homeland from my father's actions.

Sincerely,

Zuko, Future Fire Lord

Haru: well, that was a very spirited argument. And what was that about me having mood swings?

Zuko: you just proved my point, starting out calm and suddenly freaking out (he shrugs, closing his eyes.)

Haru: why you little...just read the next letter before I show you freaked out...

Ty Lee: now now Haru, calm down (she smiles, hissing his cheek and wrapping her arms around his waist)

Haru: ne? oh...alright... (he blushes again, smiling warmly at her.)

Zuko: blech, Mai seems to have rubbed off on me..I'm getting sick watching these two, so, I'm going to read another letter to take my mind off it! (he commences to read another letter aloud, trying to block out the sounds of Haru and Ty Lee snuggling and kissing off screen)

Dear Prince Char-ehem-Zuko

You look great with your new long hair. Why did you shave your head except  
for that one ponytail thing? You looked like a $# !&$$ in a #$ !  
Yea, I said it! But I think think that you are smart to have let it grow back  
so that you can enjoy it while you can-because judging from Iroh's 'thinning'  
hair, and what with genetics, we won't have to wait for long before you're  
back to that weird semi-ponytail.

Love,  
4

p.s. Iroh told my (telepathicly of course) that you're a smelly bedwetter-but  
we still love you! 

Dear 4,

Thanks for the compliment! I actually like my hair long too, but it was at my uncle's suggestion that I shave my head, untill we entered the earth kingdom atleast. I believe it was so he could brag about having more hair than me. He got really jealous after he saw how long my hair had gotten. And I also take after my father's long hair gene, meaning I'll probably keep my hair till i'm very old (60-75)

Sincerely,

Zuko.

P.S. If you really are in contact with uncle, tell him to try and contact us so he can help us take down my father!

Haru: (off screen) ehehehe...TyLee...were still filming...

Ty Lee: (also off screen) awwww..fine...hmm..most of this episode has been reading letters! we need more filler!

Zuko: agreed, I also need a break from reading this many letters in one sitting! (he gets up, walking to the snack bin behind us and pulling out several snacks) anything you guys want?

Haru: I'll just have some chocolate.

Ty Lee: Me too! Yay! (she giggles, still off screen)

Zuko: ok, well, sorry for the break everyone, but even we TV stars like Ty Lee and myself need a break every now and then. so, On with the next letter! (has a bowl of flaming fire flakes)

Dear Zuko  
People must be giving you a tough time because of you betraying Uncle. You  
might be back in the fire nation, but you're still sad.  
Can you answer this question, what's better? Being with your Uncle or back in  
the fire nation, knowing your Uncle is slowly dying in a cell? I don't blame  
you! Infact if I was in the same situation I would do the same thing. But you  
had a choice. If Uncle Iroh is there, tell him I said Hi! And Hi to Haru  
(waves)  
Iroh you'r e da best! ...and I guess Zuko is too:)  
Sincerly   
Tigriss  
(Iroh Fangirl)

Dear Tigriss,

They did actually, you wouldn't believe how many fans I had bombard me with killer intent whenever I went to the market. But i'll have to say, Being with uncle is much more fun. Not to mention more interesting. Sure, in the fire nation I had servents to order around, but with uncle it was just the two of us traveling around for a while, we got into alot of misadventures you wouldn't see on the show, such as the time uncle got accused of peeping in a women's bathhouse. They definatly wont show that on Nick! Finally I'd tell uncle that you did, but he probably wont get the hi untill he sees this, wherever he is. Haru on the other hand would probably say hi back and ask for a cookie.

Sincerely,

Zuko, Rebellious teenager.

Haru: yeah! a cookie! (he looks over at a candle, it melting quietly untill it pops several times) whoa! that late already? well, I guess it's time to call it quites for today! (He grins, his face coated in lipstick kisses from ty lee)

Ty Lee: yeah! I guess the three of us will see you next time! bye!

Haru & Zuko: Ja Ne!

Haru: hey..that's my thing...

-----------------------

sorry about the wait everyone! and sorry about the poor quality of this chapter, I had to write it all quick, and I'm actually running out of Letters that don't revolve around women wanting to bear zuko's children. Or from people posing as his children.

Zuko: which is very wierd...i'm only 16 for crying out loud people! Don't have kids yet!

yeah, besides, we didn't have enough time to get to that letter! so, send them in and hope they get aired! untill then, Ja Ne!

Zuko: also, let's celebrate Haru's hooking up with Ty Lee! and that weird Kasy girl with the weird glowing hands!

huh? gah! we aren't dating! I havent even met Kasy yet either!

Ty Lee: why aren't we dating Haru? (blinks sadly)

ah! Wait! I didn't mean it like that! please don't cry!

Ty Lee: you dont love me...(she pouts, looking away)

Zuko: well, I guess i'll say goodnight to you all while Haru and Ty Lee figure this out. Untill next time everyone! Ja Ne!


	7. Episode 5

Haru: ugh... it's been what, months?

Zuko: It appears so. People really need to start sending in more letters..we havent got one since like..feburary.

Haru: Honestly people, we're scraping the barrel and dragging out the worst of the worst for this episode.

Zuko: Also, Haru dose not, in any way, own myself, or any of the other members of the A:tLA cast, including the earthbender from that tiny little village that bears the same name.

Haru: Also, Kasy Ann Possible is the invention of NoDrogs here on FF dot net, as is her sister Sheki Go Possible. (although they are usually controled by one of my friends from KP/ )

Zuko: Kaia is owned by hereself, and I am seriously jealous of Haru's pimping abilities. Seriously, Kasy, Kaia, Ty-Lee, and many, MANY other girls all find him datable. Atleast i'm still more popular.

Haru: but for how long? Now, on with the show! Oh, Did I mention we actually hired a narrator?

--

(Narrator person, voice.. thing: This month's episode, yes, we're going to try doing them monthly now IF YOU HELP! takes place at the WESTERN air temples, as it was supposed to last time, but, due to an INTERN-al error, yes, that's you Steve, we accidentally ended up at the NORTHERN air temple. Steve, if you're reading this, you owe us replacement money for air-fare. For CAST AND CREW. Now, as I was explaining, We can see quite the amalgarithm of people on stage. And yes, they all have beanbags... kind of. Sitting, almost completely on his lonesome, is Zuko, with Katara and Mai at his sides, while Haru sits at his beanbag, next to Ty-lee on one side, A green-skinned girl with flaming red hair on his other side, and a girl with dark-brown hair resting comfortably on a smaller beanbag while resting her head in his lap... man that took forever!)

Haru: Welcome all to this month's episode of Ask Zuko! Yes, we're going to try-

(Narator: I already explained Haru)

Haru: oh...right...you mentioned Steve too, right?

(Narrator: yes. I did, now get back to the show!)

Haru: oops! anyways, yeah, welcome back and all that! I'm Haru, and over there is Zuko! Now, why don't the lovely ladies with us introduce themselves?

Mai: If you don't know me, youre more insane than his family. (motions to zuko)

Katara: Hey, i'm only here because Haru blackmailed me into it. (frowns over at him)

Kasy: Well... i'm here because Haru asked me to show up, that's all there is to it! (hugs him tightly)

Ty-Lee: hey! No touchee my Haru! (hugs his other side)

Kaia: Hey?! _Your_ Haru? What about me? (tackles them all)

Haru: GAH! GIRLS! CANT...BREATHE!! (a struggling, feminine yet male hand is seen from the writhing mass of girls)

Zuko: well...as Haru is indesposed of at the moment... Can we get the letters in here?

(a small, no, REALLY small, like, single digets high, stack of letters is dropped on stage)

Mai: What in the name of black suns is this?

Katara: Yeah, I remember the pile being alot bigger than this...

Haru: (finally free) this is all that's left once we sorted out most of the "I want to bear your children" letters... that surprisingly enough came for bolth Zuko _and_ me.

Kasy: that's just wrong! You're bolth only 16!

Kaia: oh, yeah! that's right! We forgot to tell you all! Haru just turned 16 this month!

Ty-Lee: That's right! He turned 16 on friday, the thirteenth of june!

Haru: 2008 earth-standard-calender. Now, on with the letters please? (he takes the pile and hands one to each) well, atleast there are left-overs (he deadpanns)

Zuko: i'll go first then, Ahem...

Zuko/Dad,  
I don't see why you say you have no interest in Mom; you married her, after  
all! (I'd like to point out now, I have no idea how I ended up in this time  
period.) Not only that, you have two kids together: me, and my twin sister,  
Kya (though it's hard to tell by looking, considering I take after mom, where  
as Kya takes more after you).  
My point is, you should hurry up and find Katara/Mom before my very existance  
becomes an issue! Please? I like existing!

Your son,  
Kiba

P.S. Think you could get Mom on this show-thing? I kinda need to talk to her,  
too

Katara: well...that's certainly interesting...

Mai: yeah, aren't time-space paradox thingies kind of dangerous?

Zuko: ah well...lets just get this over with, probably just another crazed fan's made-up characters. Ahem...

Dear 'Kiba' if that is your real name

As you can see, myself and Katara are getting along just fine... and have actually grown close, I mean, have you seen the previews for episodes 316-320? she runs FROM that bald loser, and TO me!

(katara beams him)

Katara: he is NOT a loser. Besides...alot happened.

Zuko: oww...anyways... I dont want to even think about 'how' you got here or anything along those lines. And tell your...er...'sister' we said Hi I guess...and i'm sure you really do love existing, as I know that I do personally as well, but as we all know, sht happens.

Sincerely,

An sceptical prince.

Katara: watch your mouth zuko... My turn though! Ahem (her first time reading letters)

Dear Zuko,  
Do you resent being stuck with Mai while Aang gets Katara?

Do you resent not being able to shoot lightning from you fingertips, Evil  
Emperor style?

Do you resent me asking the Tough Questions?

Zuko, if you are on the market again what kind of girl are u looking for, and  
do you mind a litlle extra somthin somthin in the back if you know what i  
mean?

Katara: okey...

Zuko: Ahem:

Dear you-didn't-leave-a-name-you-freaking-idiot,

(zuko is hit upside the head bu katara)

oww..its true... anyways, No, I did not resent it at all, as I actually cared for her, and still do, especially after she saved me from my sadistic and hot-headed, for use of a bad pun, sister. Although I do have feelings for katara, no matter how far into their infancy they are, they are still there, and I think she actually is starting to return them...(I cant wait for the final 5 episodes, even though it means i'll be out of a job, filming took FOREVER.)

No, I do not regret not being able to shoot lightning, as it's actually kind of cheap, and useless at that. Maybe if we meet up with uncle he can teach it to the avatar or something like that, but otherwise I dont want anything else to do with it. End of Story.

And they aren't actually tough, but I really wish you would have given a name.

Finally, unfortunatly for you I am not 'on the market' as you say, and I actually do not know what you're talking about... it seems kind of weird for you to talk like that. Really.

Sincerely,

A now utterly confused Emporer-to-be.

Mai: well...I guess it's my turn then...ah well. (she opens the letter with one of her many hidden knives)

Dear Mai,

You suck. You emo loaded knife throwing,(considering the last one) wrist  
cutting WEIRDO! I hope Ty Lee goes good and knokes you into a clown costume!  
And I don't care that your parents wanted you to behave. Telling your kid to  
sit down and be quiet doea not make them into a knife weilding manic  
depressive fruit cake. So I want YOU to make sure YOU take this personaly.  
EVERYONE HATES YOU! DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR A CHANGE!! HELP TYLEE RUN AWAY!  
HELP IROH ESCAPE! DIE SO ZUKO CAN GO TO A MORE INTERESTING SHIP! LIKE TYLEE X  
ZUKO! Now that would be neat.

So in conclusion I will not watch the bits of show with you in it, support  
any ship with you you in it, or brake if I see you crossing the street. THE  
END!

XOXO  
Jewely2951

(To Haru: that was fun. :P) 

Mai: (she rips at the paper violently before stabbing what remains out of the air with an uncountable number of knives, one of which apparently hits the camera man as the camera falls over, accompanied by a cry of pain)

Ty-Lee: ouch... they're still getting after you about that? Even after everything that happened on the boiling rock?

Haru: err...Ty-chan... that was sent BEFORE the boiling rock was released...

Ty-lee: ooooh... sorry mai...

Mai: (speaking to the fallen camera) I should let you know, little miss "Jewl" that I'm not emo, I just dont care. See these wrists? Not a mark on them! (she holds up her wrists, which are flawless) Yes, I like knives, it started as a HOBBY. Maybe you should get one aside from thinking your better than everyone else! Great spirits, you remind me of Azula! And unless you live in a cave, like you probably do, and HAVEN'T seen the boiling rock, you should know that I actually DID help Zuko and that stupid water-tribe loser escape with his girlfriend and dad, and that lame seven-foot prisoner! Alright? Happy? I HELPED, now GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT! (she sits down, hands griping repeatedly over a small squisy stress ball in the shape of azula's face)

Zuko: it's alright..don't worry... they'll change their minds... it was an old Letter, alright?

Mai: whatever...

Kasy: Alright! well, I think it's time we got onto another letter...now...I just read this aloud, then mister 'everything will be okay' over there answers, right?

(Haru nods)

Kasy: Alright! Hey! Pony-tail boy! next letter! (she tosses a glowing ball of green fire at him, successfully snapping him back to the matter at hand) thank you. now...

Dear Zuko,  
I know you only have one sister and my letter did NOT say Why are YOUR  
sisters so annoying. When I wrote that I was also refering to my sisters who  
annoy the crap out of me.

Sincerly  
Hyuga

Zuko: right...er...

Dear Hyuga,

I'm guessing, from what Haru tells me, you're Neji or something like that, right? If not, ah well. I'm just going to call you that from now on! Now, i'm not actually sure why they do, i'm just gessing that it's a sister's job to make their brothers misrable in every way possible, I know my sister dose, as dose haru's. And we're not even related! I truely wish I knew more on the subject and could help, but I dont so I cant.

Sincerely,

Zuko.

Haru: ugh...sisters...anyways, next letter! Ty-chan?

Ty-lee: alright! Here we go!

Dear Zuko

WHY?! WHY?! Why did you betray you're Uncle, you a son of a beep! And Mai,  
you realize she's emo right? How do you know she's not cheating on you? Ugh! I  
really want to you to dump Mai and go to Katara. Also join the Gaang! I want  
you to reply.

From a seriously PO fan,

Raidon Phantom

P.S. It tells you the name on the review accualy. I forgot to write it on my bad.

Zuko: okay..well...

Dear Phantom,

I had my reasons...mainly I was tempted by the offer of going home after all these years and actually being welcomed back without knives at my back or flames on my heels. litterally. And I think i'd know if Mai was cheating on me, no offence to her or anything, but she can't really tell a lie to save her life.. (he is hit by Mai now) owww... I said no offence... anyways, no, she is not emo, and like I said earlier, Katara and I are just now discovering how we fell about eachother. Now just sit back, enjoy the ride, and wait for the series finalie to come out, hopefully with a BOOK FOUR like everyone wants there to be. We keep going on about there being 'four nations' and 'four seasons' and 'four elements,' but Mike and Bryan wont spring for "Four books"? that's just a load of komodo-rhino dung to me. And, as you can see, I did join the 'gaang' even if it is a stupid name...

Sincerely,

A now good prince zuko.

P.S. Wish I would have noticed that earlier, even though it wasn't on the LETTER. Only haru's got access to the 'reviews,' I only get to see the letters.

Haru: hey, it's not my fault! I didn't know either!

Zuko: for four chapters, and a chirstmas special, you didn't know? seriously. you need to pay better attention to the details Haru.

Haru: and you need to pay better attention to Mai before she eats all your fire flakes.

(mai is now munching on a handful of the sizzling snacks)

Mai: what? I was Hungry... ranting makes me like that...

Zuko: (he sighs, facepalming) next letter please...

Kaia: alright.

To Iroh and Ozai

What is the age diffremce betwwen you two? I know Iroh is older but he's old  
and has a white beard where as Ozai looks to e maybe in his late  
thirtys.WTF?!

Jewely2951

Zuko: ugh. I know we need more reviews, but seriously, FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Not one person repeatedly. now, Ahem...

Dear Jewel,

If you really want my father and uncle to answer this, please send it to one of their talk shows they want to start up, as i'm sure they'll be as without work as i'll be once the finalie is finished filming, yes, we're STILL filming it. it's FOUR PARTS. Also, I guess I can tell you that my uncle is ten years older than my father, this being the reason he is beginning to grey. That and all the stress he went through what with my cousin dying in the war, my aunt dying, and finally my banishment. It happens.

Sincerely,

A slightly annoyed firebending prince.

Zuko: NEXT!

Haru: alright, alright, fine, fine, I'll read, i'll read... bossy-pants...

Ty-lee: aww...someone needs a kiss... (she puckers up, moving twords him)

Kaia: aww, here! let me help!

Kasy: me too! Hey! move over you two! I cant get in there!

Haru: Gah! help meeeeee! (he is engulfed by the now lipstick-wearing trio of girls, the letter flying up and landing in zuko's lap)

Zuko: I swear... We're not letting those three on the show again...

Katara: that wouldn't be fair... you getting to have us around and him all by himself?

Zuko: It's called "Ask _Zuko,_" not "Ask Haru"

Mai: he has a good point there...

Zuko: now...ahem...

Dear Zuko  
What is with people with annoying crazy type attitudes?  
And also what is with my dog Ben and food?  
From Amaterasu77

Dear Ama-whatever 77,

I honestly can't say. you'll have to ask Ty-Lee that sometime if I ever let her back on the show.

And your dog, What in the world is a "Dog?"

Sincerely,

A re-confused prince.

Haru: (coated in a decent ammount of lipstick kisses) a-a-alright... I think I can read one now... (blushing heavilly as he takes a letter, opening it shakily) ahem...

Dear Zuko,

Hi, just got a few random questions for you. Did your mom actually think  
Azula was a monster, or was that just in the script?

Is your family as off their rocker as they seem, or do they just act well?

Do you still have the dagger that Iroh gave you?

And, finally, hypathetically, not meaning to cause a fight, but if you break  
up with Mai, would it be so bad to have Toph as your girlfriend? I mean, given  
a few years of age progression of course.

Sincerely,

Juria

P.S. Just to clear things up about my name, I am not a fangirl, but I am a  
major Tyzula fanboy

Dear Juria,

What an interesting name you have... like, really weird actually, no offence. Anyways, yes, my mom actually did begin to think Azula was a monster around when she turned seven. I actually started calling her "Akuma" shortly after mother left to try and get to her, but it only made it worse so I stopped.

Also, my family is actually insane in real life. Exept for uncle, he's just eccentric about tea.

And yes, I still have that dagger Uncle gave me. It's stored away safely so Mai can't get it out and lose it if she ever happens to run out of knives. (he is hit yet again by Mai)

And no, I can firmly say that the little blind earthbender would never be a love interest for me. She still seems to be quite infatuated with that water-tribe boy that is related to Katara (katara off screen: Sokka!) Right, socks! Odd name for a guy...but still. they seem to be quite the pair, despite that Suki girl from the boiling rock and...what was it...kiohana island? Yeah...I think that's it...back when Socks wore that dress... (he shudders) anyways, a very interesting love triangle there... despite the fact that she was actually the first one to trust me out of the group...and I ended up hurting her... i'm such an idiot...

Sincerely,

A regretful firebender.

(Narrator: Akuma means 'demon' )

Katara: well, my turn now! whoa..two letters left...why dont the three of us read this one, then Haru and those girls can read the last one?

Zuko: fine by me.

Mai: whatever.

Haru: okay, but since there's more of us, we go first. alright?

Ty-lee: okay! here, we'll get this big one!

Kaia: well...there are four of us, so I guess we can...hey! there's two letters in here! two of us read one, two the other?

Kasy: okay. i'll read mine with Ty-lee, kaia can read her's with haru.

Ty-lee: aww...I wanted to read it with haru!

Zuko: just read it already!

(the girls meep slightly before delving into the letters:

Group 1:

S & T ask:

S: Would you ever talk like Azula again? I found quite...hilarious! I dont  
know why you said you suck at impersonations, I espescially liked the one of  
your Uncle. "Zuko, you must look within yourself, to save yourself, from your  
other self, only then will your true self, reveal itself." LOL!

T: Yeah that was funny! Anyhoo, my question is, do you still have feelings  
for Mai? If so, then why cause she was so...dead. She had no emotion! Would  
you ever get back togehter with her?

S:I WILL have your children! Bye!

T:Wow! Random! I dont want to have your kids...just your hand in MARRIAGE!  
not to be forceful but...REALLY I WILL! Ja Ne!

S & T: (bickering over Zuko)

Haru: well...that was wierd... I thought we got rid of all these...and DONT STEAL MY LINES!! .

Kasy: this ones actually fairly new... it wasn't opened

Ty-Lee: aww, poor girls... zuzu is taken!

Zuko: dont...call me that... (he turns slightly red)

katara: aww..but it's cute..._zuzu_... (giggles slightly)

Mai: you know what...it actually is (she grins)

Zuko: Haru. I hate you so much.

Haru: me? what did I do?

Zuko: you let...THAT onto the show! (points at ty-lee)

Ty-lee: THAT? what do you mean _THAT_? I am a girl, and I have a name!

haru: (sighs) Alright, no more fighting. Zuko, answer the fekking letter. Ty-lee, please get back over here...

Kasy: mmm... I like a man that takes charge... (she moves twords him on all fours, grinning deviantly)

kaia: mmm...yeah...that was kinda cool...

Ty-lee: yes haru, sir! (she giggles, mock saluting before the three pounce on him again)

Haru: GAH! I cant take much more of thiiiiis!

Zuko: alright, alright...(he sighs) here we go...

Dear...S & T...Names would be helpful btw instaid of initials...

first S - no, I will never do impersonations again. As I said, i'm terrible. Even if it is for a laugh. that was a one-time deal, no matter how much you beg, or how many times these two give me the 'puppy dog pout' as kasy calls it(whatever a 'puppy dog' is) end. of. story.

And T - no, she is not dead, she just dosn't like expressing herself, as you can plainly see what 'expressing herself' entailed earlier. I personally like that quality of her and will, in the future if not sooner, hook up with her, or katara...once I can make up my mind that is...

And no, nether of you will have my children, or my hand in marriage, or any of the above. I'm spoken for.

Sincerely,

The luckiest prince on the face of the planet.

Katara: awww...that was so sweet... (she grins, hugging him close and kissing his cheek)

Mai: that actually was kind of... nice... the way you stood up for me... (she smiles, kissing his cheek also) Just remember to make the _smart_ choice when you do choose. I can slice you into tiny pieces bit by bit if you break my heart again. All she can do is castrate you with her tears.

Katara: you know...in a sick, twisted way, that was actually kind of poetic...

Zuko: Mai, you're rubbing off on her...now, onto the last letter of the episode, yet hopefully not the last ever!

Dear Zuko  
how do you feel about the whole ursaxiroh shipping? i've always wondered how  
you would react if you read a story based on it.

love,  
4 4 4 4

Dear 4 to the 4th,

I actually haven't heard of that before..although I must say it dose disgust me slightly. honestly, uncle and mother? I mean...as Haru or Kasy would put it... "Wrong-sick." I will have to keep my eyes peeled and stray from any of those fanfictions should I happen to come across them.

Sincerely, the ready-to-puke prince.

Haru: (covered, yet again, in lipstick kisses) gah...air! huh? we're done? that was the last one?? you're kidding!! IT is official: Ask Zuko has RUN OUT OF LETTERS!

Kasy: we're sorry if this episode was a little dry by the way, but still... lack of letters, lack of entertainment, more filler to try and make up for it. Now, if you dont mind, us girls are going to get back to our daily schedueled Haru... (the three girls grin mischeviously before dragging him off-screen)

Haru: NUUUUU!! _HELP MEEEE!!_ (he is dragged off screen)

Zuko: ah well...since Haru isn't here to say it, we hope you all stick around, read this, SEND LETTERS, and review and such. Don't worry, Haru tells me that the next part of chapter 3 of his other FF, "Naruto - A Destined Heart" will be out soon, so keep your eyes peeled!

Katara: now...hmm..the showis over, what can we do to await the next episode?

Mai: hmm..drag zuko clothes shopping with us?

Katara: yes! let's do it!

Zuko: oh, crap.

all 5 girls(ty-lee, kasy, and kaia all from off screen: **JA NE!**

--

Gah...well, theres the latest chapter of Ask zuko. as kasy stated, it was a tad bit dry, hopefully my and zuko's female-related misfortunes were enough to keep you entertained through this filler episode. If it comes to it though, I just might have to cansel production on this show entirely.

Zuko: and if you make him do that, i'll kill a kitten.

whoa. dark dude, dark.

Zuko: my second-to last, and soon-to-be-last job is on the line. you atleast will be getting that gig at the fast-food place. I will be put out of business and left to the ravenous fan-hoards.shudders

true..true...so remember everyone! If you force my hand and make me close this up, Zuko will kill a kitten!

bolth are hit over the head by our respective girls, meaning I get hit 1 more time than him

girls: hmph...

Ty-lee: ah well, untill next time then!

Katara: also, vote on who you want to be a perminant member of the Ask Zuko cast! Polls are open for the next chapter and the winner, or winners will be relesased on the chapter-after-next!

Kasy: the candidates are: 

Me, kasy.

Ty-lee.

Kaia.

Katara.

Mai.

Other, you'll have to state who.

Mai: so again, untill next time, and this is the final time we're gonna say it,

All: _**JA NE!**_


End file.
